


Breathing Space

by hollytrees



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7884925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollytrees/pseuds/hollytrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria has a panic attack.</p>
<p>(Takes place in writelikeit'sgoingoutofstyle's Addict is not a Personality Flaw series.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Space

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle (twoandahalfslytherins)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoandahalfslytherins/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Take a Break](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206908) by [writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle (twoandahalfslytherins)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoandahalfslytherins/pseuds/writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle). 



> This took me a stupidly long time to finish, which seems to be a theme for this summer, and I'm not totally happy with it, but let's be real, when am I? (Perfectionism is a bitch, kids.)
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> This is some time during/after chapter 27 of Take a Break.

Maria all but sprinted through the living room, picking up speed as she went, momentarily distracting Eliza from her excruciatingly awkward small talk with the boy that Aaron and Alex had brought with them. (In hindsight, Eliza admitted that after confirming that they had met when he had been tested for STIs, she probably should have let that particular thread of conversation go.) As if sensing her distraction, the boy (she couldn’t remember his name, which felt wrong since she knew exactly how many times he’d had sex since getting tested) let his mumbled response to “So what are you doing this summer?” trail off into silence as Maria’s foot caught on the leg of the card table that held the snacks.

Eliza’s eyes widened in horror, but Maria caught herself on the doorframe.

“Are you alright?” she asked. Maria turned and looked at her, eyes wide and panicked, one shaking hand still supporting her on the doorframe, the other around the door knob, before Maria got the door opened and disappeared into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Almost simultaneously, Angelica emerged from the bathroom. She glanced at Maria’s shut door, then at Eliza.

“Is everything – ”

“I should probably go check on her.” Eliza half-rose off the couch, then remembered the boy sitting to her left. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, go ahead.” He shrank back into the couch.

Eliza gave him her best polite smile. “Well, it was nice talking to you, um…”

“James.” James seemed to be attempting to become one with the couch. “You too.”

Eliza nodded and knocked on Maria’s door, vaguely aware that Angelica had taken her spot on the couch. “Maria? Can I come in?”

She almost missed the muffled “yeah” from behind the door. She opened it carefully and stepped gingerly into the darkened room, closing the door behind her as she waited for her eyes to adjust. Slowly, she could make out that the comforter had been torn off of the bed and now sat piled in a lump on the floor. She dropped to her knees in front of the lump, careful not to crowd it.

“Is there a Maria under there?” She asked softly, half-teasing.

The lump nodded and shifted so that one hand could reach out from underneath.

“Can I?” Maria’s grabbed at nothing.

Eliza nodded before she remembered that the girl couldn’t see her. “Sure.”

Maria fumbled until she caught hold of one of Eliza’s hands in her own and squeezed it. A tiny, selfish part of Eliza fluttered and cheered. The rest of her shushed it, whispering _not now_.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eliza kept her voice level, impartial, aware that there might not be anything to talk about, beyond the number of bodies in the kitchen, or a careless phrase that slipped out of someone’s mouth that sounded a little too close to something that James (asshole ex James, not the poor boy sitting on the couch outside) would.

“They’re going to fight.” Maria inhaled too sharply and exhaled too quickly over and over and over again.

Eliza inhaled and swallowed her instinct to ask _who is?_. “Maria, do you think you could lift your blanket up a little bit?”

Maria shook violently.

“Not all the way.” Eliza assured her before she could speak. “Just so that your mouth and nose are clear. You’re hyperventilating a bit and I don’t want you to pass out.”

Maria’s other hand emerged from underneath the comforter and tugged on it until the edge rested on top of her head like a hood.

“That’s better.” Eliza stroked her thumb over the back of Maria’s hand. “You can keep it down over your eyes if you want.”

“They’re going to _fight_.” Maria repeated as though Eliza hadn’t spoken at all, wet eyes glimmering in the dark. “They’re going to _fight_.”

“It’s okay.” Eliza took a deep breath, slow and steady and louder than it strictly needed to be. “It’s okay. Let’s just try to get your breathing under control, alright?”

Maria nodded – at least, Eliza thought she was nodding, she could have just been shaking – and squeezed her hands. “Can you count?”

“Of course.” Eliza led her through three repetitions before she asked. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better.” Maria whispered. “Better.”

“Do you want to move up to the bed or do you want to stay on the floor?”

Maria didn’t answer out loud; she just let go of one of Eliza’s hands, sat down on the edge of the bed, and tugged until Eliza sat down next to her. Eliza inhaled through her nose, trying to ignore the way her heart rate had picked up.

“Can I have a hug?” Maria asked.

“Of course.” Their first attempt was a bit awkward, twisting to the side, and they broke apart laughing weakly. Eliza tucked one of her legs under her body and turned to face the other woman, who knelt on the bed, facing her. “Let’s try that again.”

To her surprise, Maria all but launched herself at Eliza, knocking her over.

“Is this okay?” Maria asked into her breast bone.

“Yeah.” Eliza fought to keep her voice level. “Just – can I resituate myself?”

Maria pulled herself off so that Eliza could get both legs onto the bed and in a more comfortable position before resettling herself in the same position. Abruptly, Eliza’s body realized that she was lying in Maria’s _bed_ with Maria on top of her and Maria’s legs straddling her hips and Maria’s mouth so, so close to her neck and –

_No._ Eliza reminded her body firmly, hoping Maria couldn’t tell that her heart rate had picked up. _Not now._

“Do you want to talk about what made you so upset now?” She said out loud, stroking Maria’s back.

Maria nodded, nose bumping against Eliza’s shoulder. “They’re going to fight. They’re going to fight and there’ll be screaming and shouting and throwing things and I’m so scared and – ”

“Who is?” Eliza asked, moving one hand up to card through Maria’s hair.

“Herc and Lafayette.”  Maria’s body, thrumming with tension, began to relax.

“They’re not going to fight. Not here.” Hercules, Eliza hoped, knew better than that. And if he didn’t, well. The two of them would have a talk some place far away, where Maria couldn’t hear them.

“You sure?” Maria sniffled.

Eliza was working out how best to answer when a door slammed and Maria started. “Positive.”

They lay in silence for a while as Maria’s muscles slowly loosened.

“I think the party’s probably broken up.” Maria mumbled into her shoulder.

“Probably.” If she strained, Eliza could hear the sounds of people walking back and forth in front of the door – cleaning up, she guessed – and Angelica’s laughter.

“I should get up and help.” Maria continued.

Eliza frowned. “I don’t think that Peggy and Herc will mind if you want to stay here for a bit instead.”

“And do you?” Maria met Eliza’s eyes. “Mind?”

“Not at all.” Eliza smiled, brushing hair out of the other woman’s face.

“Okay.” Maria dropped her head. “Then I think I’ll stay here for a bit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I exist on tumblr at holly-trees. (I mean, I exist on tumblr in many places, but holly-trees is where I talk about fanfiction, so.)


End file.
